Lavender fields in Carterton. Photo by Aaron Carlino


It’s been so long since I’ve written a blog post that I’ve lost a follower. Oops.

It’s been full-on knackered here with sleep regressions as the baby learns to walk, summer break, and the start of a new school year, and making some very important decisions about my writing. This is me completely knackered and feeling over this week:


Who is this knackered lady? I don’t recognise her.

First update: I’ve decided to self-publish. Boom! I’ve spent four years trying to snag a literary agent. I’ve worked so hard and have learned so much, and I’m not giving up on traditional publishing, but I also really want my current manuscript to become a book. I’ve spent two years trying to get an agent for this one. It’s the love of my life, and I wrote it FOR YOU, to share WITH YOU, and because the timing of everything feels right, I’m going to take a risk and go for it. Maybe I’ll self-publish my two other manuscripts, and the nonfiction I’ve been working on, but I have no expectations at this point. Will it be perfect? No. Will some people hate it? Yes. Will I get bad reviews? Probably. But I’m doing the best I can to make it as good as I can at this time in my knackered life, and I’m following my instincts. My heart is telling me it’s good enough, and that I need to just get it out there. So I’m spending the next few months figuring this process out as inexpensively as possible and will keep you updated on its release! During this time, I welcome any words of encouragement because it’s terrifying, and I don’t want to lose steam.

Second: School has started for my eldest. This means a lot of adjustment in our home and I do my usual “Do I have head lice?” freak out. I’m so proud of my boy and all that he’s handling in this crazy world where bullies present themselves on the playground at the young age of five. Breaks my heart, but all I can do is be there for my kid and advocate like hell for him.

Third: Baby boy is walking. He gets into everything and is curious and wants to explore and wobble and I am so here for it. I may be knackered but I am in awe of how much he’s learned in his precious first months of life!

Fourth: If you remember my previous post about smooth knackered parenting, then you’ll remember that I fell down the stairs in November. Well, it happened again. This time, I tripped up a step outside on the patio. It wasn’t as bad of a fall as the November one, but the gashes are nasty. So nasty that I took myself to the dr this time and guess what? My wounds are infected. No wonder my foot has been stinging! No wonder it’s red and swollen and hot to touch! Hmm who knew infection could set in so quickly? So now I’m bandaged up, on antibiotics that wreck my guts, and am supposed to keep my leg elevated, which is near impossible with children around.


After the fall. Doesn’t look SO bad.



Infected wounds. Current state.

Fifth: I have real-life people from the USA coming to visit this month! I say real-life because they’re not just in my dreams. They’re people who I’ve known for a very long time, and whose paths continue to intersect with mine and it’s so lovely. One friend just left but will be back. She’s in New Zealand hiking for a while. The fact that I get to greet them down here, where the ocean heals and the wind hums, is truly a gift.

So that’s my knackered update for now. We’ve had a few days of cooler weather but the heatwave will continue next week. When I was on the phone with my friend last week, he asked if Fall came next and I stammered, having to think if it was Fall or Spring! I’ll never get used to the backward seasons.

Check back again for more updates! In the meantime, stop and smell some lavender!



2 responses to “A Knackered Update

  1. Ah, I think self-publishing that book is a brilliant idea, it *needs* to be out there, now! I’m sure with Aaron’s help you’ll be able to navigate the mire of self-pub and self-promo…from what I’ve read, it seems a far better way to go than waiting on that ephemeral trad pub deal.

    1. Thanks, Léonie! I’ve been reading up on it & have friends who know what they’re doing, so I’m going to give it a go! It’s had many revisions since you read the very first draft two years ago (gasp!). Someone very special to me is working on a cover design, so I’m getting more excited. Good luck to you with your book! I can’t wait to buy it and read it!

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